I have friends that I talk to every day. Every day. And I see myself not talking to them because I feel like CRAP. I don't want to complain. I hate being a complainer. I hate people looking at me with pity in their eyes. WORSE.... I hate hearing how I need to just suck it up and get over it, because I am OBVIOUSLY not sick. Clearly I can get up and do what I need to.
Everyday the kids have a DRs appointment, I have to FORCE myself to get up and go. I fight through pain in every movement and I try not to complain. Sometimes when I sneak into the bathroom, I cry a little, and then put cold water on my face to hide it. Every movement hurts. Sometimes, it hurts just to exist.
6-3
I got up and peed 4 times during the night … and then at
about 6 AM … I started throwing up …. like
exorcist puking.... I started to throw
up on my way out of my room and had my cup that I had just drank some milk from
(hoping it would help my stomach) …with me so I just grabbed that until I got
to the bathroom, well I threw up a little in the cup on my way out the room,
got into the bathroom and threw up ... threw up and it sprayed all over the
back of the toilet and I put the cup on the edge of the tub and it fell in the
tub and shattered....so I am puking and trying to clean up all the parts of the
toilet and yeah….
I just wanted to die…. Well, and resurrect after I am
feeling better… Just ONE DAY I would love to actually wake up feeling
good.
I have stomach cramps rolling through my body. My skin is all in tingles all over, my
stomach is outrageous, I can’t even touch my own skin without massive painful
feed back from my skin.
My legs are something else today – almost hurting to the
point of tears. Constant pressure, shooting pains up and down my legs… tingling in my toes, and feet …. and …. Just
hurts so much.
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