Okay okay ... it's been... F-O-R-E-V-E-R...

So I haven't updated in a long time!  Why?   Well... everything went..... (make deflating balloon sound here) ...  I haven't been very good monitoring my blood sugars (bad I know) and I haven't done very bad sticking with eating pretty well.  I'm not losing much right now, but I'm losing a little or maintaining with in a couple of pounds what I've lost -which, since December, is about 10 to 15lbs!  YAY!

I have lost my overwhelming sweet tooth.  I just don't crave it as much anymore.  I mean there is candy all over the house, but I just look at it now and think, nope, I don't even want it.  Which is GREAT .. for me...

Course the trained chef is still... a trained chef ...  and he makes awesome food that I can't get enough of.  Bob and Jillian would roll over and groan at me...

Last season, on Biggest Loser, they started out the whole "don't be eating ice cream and watching this show" and so I got a bowl of ice cream just to spite them...   Speaking of Biggest Loser, I am sooooooooooooo happy with who went home last night.  That's all I'll say!  I have started watching Ruby too.  She kinda annoys me in a way, but I like the show.

Well other then that, there isn't much to report right now.  I am packing up for our big half way across the country move.  I look forward to focusing on this once we get there and get somewhat settled. 

I will lose this weight, I will get to the point where I don't feel the need to *hide* from my husband... 

The Adventures of the Mutant Grape...... Part 2

 The Adventure of the Mutant Grape (part 1) 

Our little Mutant Grape watched all the mean grapes around it disappear ...  with in a few days the vines all around it was empty, except for the poor little mutant green grape!

So mutant green grape saw more red grapes near by, and tried to make friends....the green grape had even started to get some reddish streaking ...  maybe, just maybe, it would grow up to be a red grape yet!?!

But they continued to ridicule and be mean to the green grape!!  It didn't matter that green grape was getting stripes...... the red grapes just called it "stripey" and laughed harder.  Green grape wanted to cry, but it had no tear ducts. 

Just EAT me, the green grape begged the little monsters who picked the grapes.  But no one ate it. 

Meanwhile, in the Green Grape bag, a baby grape had been born!!

Proud Parents, Ezmeralda and Paco Green.

Inside My Confused Head....

Yeah my head is confused....   I found this interesting plan on Fit Mom Now's Blog.   It's called The Belly Fat Cure by Jorge Cruise.  I have looked up several videos, and signed up for the free emails (what can it hurt?) ... and read some of her blog along with another blog called Me and Jorge ...  and it seems to have worked for both of them.  He says that you can lose up to 9 lbs in one week.

So do I cut out sugars and go with his plan and not pay attention to carbs and fat and calories?  Or do I pay attention to the calories and the carbs  ...  or do I do both!?

How confusing.....

I am thinking about getting his book though.....

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Yesterday was my first day of keeping track of my food and all that... and I ate under the calorie amount, there is NO WAY I can eat that many calories without killing myself on carbs!  WTH!?!?   I donno what to do.  And on top of that, my blood sugar was WAY better this morning then it was yesterday morning.   Yesterday was day 2 of 1,000 mg of Metformin and my first day keeping track of the food, yesterday morning my sugars were 273 (ouch!) and today it was 161!  I must have done something right yesterday!  I even had Dr. Pepper (a 24oz - I think?  Of which I didn't actually drink all of.)  Yeah it's still high, I know, especially for a fasting, but it's a lot better then it was!   Hopefully this will continue!

It's funny, I ate another bagel for breakfast which is higher carbs.  And was fine, then I had a cup of grapes (the only fruit I can eat with out some sort of major or minor allergic reaction) and now my head feels like it's on a boat in rocky seas, while the rest of me isn't.  It's an odd feeling... 

Water gives me Heartburn!

It really does.  I don't know why, I know it's not "logical" but I do - definitely - get heartburn from water.  I had a bagel with shmear this morning and 8oz of milk, and I never get heartburn from that stuff....  but I always, ALWAYS, seem to get heartburn from Water.  WHAT IS UP WITH THAT!?!?!?  

It's annoying.......  how many calories are in tums????  How much  10 ... 10 calories 2 tums (so 5 each) ... See ....... I looked..

So while I was looking at Calories and Carbs, I figured I'd see... just for giggles...  what my "Stash" of fruites was going to kill me when it mocked me enough and I broke down and ate it......

Well, that's not as BAD as I THOUGHT it was going to be.  Seriously, I thought it would be so much worse.  So a half a pack, every now and then .... would *almost* be okay.   Teehee.. 

So I had my appointment with the nutritionists yesterday.   She actually asked me why I came in because I didn't really have any questions, I guess I just wanted confirm some things from when I had Gestational Diabetes, that we had talked about and ask why my sugars aren't coming down.   It's a process ... yeah yeah.  Processes suck!  I am an immediate gratification type of girl.  She just kinda laughed, anyway, and said it's not often that people make her feel useless during appointments but I kinda did.  I was making changes that I needed to make, I had a basic understanding, and I was already losing weight (10 lbs in a month, 2 lbs this past week I weighed in yesterday on my Wednesday Weight-In) ..

Her suggestions for me....  to join www.thedailyplate.com to keep track of my calories. 

Carbohydrate recommendations:  30-45/meal or 2-3 choices
                                                  15-30/snack or 1-2 choices

Activity goal that I'm suppose to build up to, is 150 minutes per week

She gave me some paperwork, that will help me understand differences between this and that... I suppose...

Maybe I'll share them :D

The Adventures of the Mutant Grape......

All hail the mutant grape.......

Oh I hear ya!   "It's a green grape, how is it mutant" ... well... as the kids and I were snacking on a vine of red grapes, we uncovered this green one, on the vine, within all the red ones.  Now, how does ONE GREEN GRAPE just pop out of a vine of red grapes.

It's like the ugly duckling of red grapes right now, maybe I should pick it off and put it with it's fellow green grapes.  It would be more accepted there.   Right now it is in my fridgidare and it's being mocked and teased by the surrounding red grapes.   It's unaccepted.  It's lonely.

Even Kaedyn poked his little finger at it, as if to say, "You don't belong there" ...  but Mommy pulled his hand back, thinking I am SO Blogging THAT!

Yep, so it has been blogged!  Now it must be eaten!

The Adventures of the Mutant Grape (part 2)

It Mocked Me.........

So I ate it..........

......... in my defense, it was a small piece. 

It's not easy living in a high calorie house when you need to make a "life-style" change... (meaning, I have 2 underweight kids who need the calories, one is labeled "Failure to Thrive" because of his weight, he wants to eat or drink it, he gets it.)

I WILL DO IT ....... I WILL DO IT ....... I WILL DO IT......

Dennis (who also wants to lose some weight) said that if I'm willing to give up the soda, he will too.  We'll just not buy anymore.  Period.  We'll buy some 2-liters of 7-up, 2-liters of Root Beer (helps when I get so very nauseated) ... and some treat soda for the kids (for pizza nights/movie nights - we don't allow them to have a lot, but Cal has been getting really bad about it.)   More water, milk and juice, and less soda.  We'll make the kids kool-aid too for treats, but I won't drink that.

So after the soda is gone from the house (in a couple days at the rate Dennis drinks it) ... we'll not buy anymore.  Sure, we'll still have our "treats" once in awhile, but not as the main drink in the house.  I've been doing good, and I've made the change before, going up to a month or so with the change before I fall back into "old ways" ...  some days are just better then others.

So .. today, I had 2 slices of toast with butter & peanut butter & water.  Lunch I had salad & 2 slices of garlic toast.  Dinner, we had ribs, broccoli & cheese, and potatoes.  I've had water all day, one glass of milk, and I was going to allow myself one 12 oz can of Happy Happy Joy Joy (aka Dr. Pepper) ... however, I haven't even opened it, so I probably won't  ... oh yeah, and the piece of cake...  er... oops. 

I watched this season's BIGGEST LOSER tonight too... WOW... biggest season ever is right.   I'm really sad one of the twins went home, I think they both really needed to be there.   I don't get to watch it on the *normal* night, btw... I have to watch it on FLN when it runs later in the week. 

We still have to work on our membership to the YMCA and I need to start working out here at home.  The only place I can right now, is our living room, and when you have an Autistic (probably) child who likes things just so, it's hard to get past that ... *hopefully* I'll jump on that bullet tomorrow.

It's slow, but I am making changes.  And I will continue.  I did take my *Before* pictures today, too.  However, I'm not going to share those........ yet.   I wish I could go live at a gym for a week and lose 20 lbs!  That would be SWEET!  But I have 4 lil ones that count on me way to much.

 ** Oh yeah, I forgot, my blood sugar was a lot better this morning then i has been most other mornings! YAY!  It was 157  .. usually I've been lucky to see high 160's ...  usually it's in the 200's ..  so YAY!!!

Dr. Pepper is the Devil ...

I don't smoke......
.......... I don't drink.....

I consume............ DR. PEPPER......

Seeeeeeeeeee ... it says it's GOOD FOR LIFE ...... which means it's awesome of me!  {HEALTHY}  Packed with nutrients and vitamins!

I am like a cages animal, you can NOT take away my DR. Pepper......

....  moderation oh fat ass young one ....   I hear it off in a distance...

So, for 3 days, I had nothing but water, juice and milk.  Mostly water...... but not {ENOUGH} water, I'm still working on that......

Today ......... I got a treat.......

IT HAD A HOLE IN IT......
I swear it had a hole.  I did however, saver every drop...  and sipped on it all day.  I even stuck my tongue in there and rooted it around hoping to find just a few drops more....  I didn't want it to end.....

Why did it have to end???

I didn't end up having breakfast today... bad me...  I had a half of a subway sandwich for lunch

Ham, spinach, green pepper, onion, pickles, mayo .. cheddar and pepper-jack cheese on Italian Herb & Cheese  ....
....  and then I ate the other half for dinner.   I am ending my day with a wonderful cool glass of  NOT DR. PEPPER SO IT SUCKS water.... it's very {REFRESHING}

and a nice bowl of ......

Salsa and Chips...... muahhhhhhhhhhhhahahahaha.........  seriously, I'm not eating it all....... moderation, right!?!

Do you like the STONEHENGE I have going on in the bowl???

Yeahhhhhhhhh ...  good thing there are a few more days before I weigh my fat ass .... self.

It's not like I'm dipping into the chocolate cake on the table, or giving into the urge to make brownies....... no no, I'm not!  I'll just have to be satisfied with staring at my picture of {HEAVEN}...

Beginnings.....

I'm back to the beginning ........ of {hell} ... only this time, I have high blood pressure and diabetes to carry with me.  I have been fighting my weight since I was little.  Mom thinks it's because they put me on ADHD meds and it made me sick, and my being such a happy active child .. changed.  About that same time, I was messed with the way no child should be, and we'll leave it at that.  She thinks it had something to do with ... one.. or the other.

Me...  I don't know..... does it really matter?

I was diagnosed with asthma at 12, I broke my foot shortly after my 16th birthday ... I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome at 16 after a horrible episode of strep-throat and then directly after that I got Mono...   I have fought with relapse, and remissions of that debilitating illness..  I have had 13 miscarriages, 4 pregnancies resulting in ... sometimes TINY ..  babies.   I have gained and lost weight, I have lost and gained...  I got out of a marriage that was not good for me, and lost a ton of weight, and then gained it back when I met my current husband who loved to feed me midnight egg sandwiches ...

Who knows why.... I don't, that's for sure.  I tend to NOT eat more then OVER eat.  If I'm stressed I don't eat, if I'm busy, I don't eat... right now, I have a hard time eating or even DRINKING anything before 2pm.  I get up anywhere between 6am and 8am.

And right now, I'm not getting sleep I should.  I'm always tired, always fighting to stay awake, but I can't seem to fall asleep before 2am most nights.  Do I need to take a sleeping pill?  I have 4 kids that I take care of and homeschool right now.  Two with special needs.  Four with medical issues ranging in severity.

It's time to work on the weight because I don't like me right now.  I mean, I like me.... I just don't like the OUTER me.....  I want to at LEAST be the me that I was when I met my husband.  I was cute then, still over-weight, but I had a flat tummy, and I was cute.  Two babies later..... Ba-DONG.... I'm thinking I might have to start to powder some creases!

Ewwwwwwwwwwww ...... seriously .......

I hate not being able to fit in my clothes, I don't even want to TRY to get dressed.

So I don't.......

But I have to make a change so - now is the time!  NOW... RIGHT NOW..........

So, my starting weight was 266 at my DR appt in December...
Now my weight is 256.7 yesterday at my Weigh-In Wednesday ...
My waist was 57 1/3

I didn't do any other measurements because my husband walked in, and I found it quite embarrassing.

So.......  I have not started my exercising,  but I will.  I have cut back on my soda intake DRAMATICALLY ...   I've been trying to pay great attention to what I'm eating.  Today, I had half a bagel with cream cheese, and 2 Ranch Pringle Chips... my babies were eating them, they just sort of pop'd in my mouth!  I'm not lying about it though.  I then had Egg Salad Sandwiches, and Salad ...

We made sandwiches with that.... it was good!

I have had 1 glass of OJ and the rest water.  Tonight we are having chicken fingers and fries.  It's not the best most healthiest meals right now, but they have to do.  I hate that it's more expensive to eat healthy then it is to eat bad.

So, Goals.......

My first mini goal is to get down to 250.  When I do, I'm going to award myself with ...  hummm... have to think about that!