Beginnings.....

I'm back to the beginning ........ of {hell} ... only this time, I have high blood pressure and diabetes to carry with me.  I have been fighting my weight since I was little.  Mom thinks it's because they put me on ADHD meds and it made me sick, and my being such a happy active child .. changed.  About that same time, I was messed with the way no child should be, and we'll leave it at that.  She thinks it had something to do with ... one.. or the other.

Me...  I don't know..... does it really matter?

I was diagnosed with asthma at 12, I broke my foot shortly after my 16th birthday ... I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome at 16 after a horrible episode of strep-throat and then directly after that I got Mono...   I have fought with relapse, and remissions of that debilitating illness..  I have had 13 miscarriages, 4 pregnancies resulting in ... sometimes TINY ..  babies.   I have gained and lost weight, I have lost and gained...  I got out of a marriage that was not good for me, and lost a ton of weight, and then gained it back when I met my current husband who loved to feed me midnight egg sandwiches ...

Who knows why.... I don't, that's for sure.  I tend to NOT eat more then OVER eat.  If I'm stressed I don't eat, if I'm busy, I don't eat... right now, I have a hard time eating or even DRINKING anything before 2pm.  I get up anywhere between 6am and 8am.

And right now, I'm not getting sleep I should.  I'm always tired, always fighting to stay awake, but I can't seem to fall asleep before 2am most nights.  Do I need to take a sleeping pill?  I have 4 kids that I take care of and homeschool right now.  Two with special needs.  Four with medical issues ranging in severity.

It's time to work on the weight because I don't like me right now.  I mean, I like me.... I just don't like the OUTER me.....  I want to at LEAST be the me that I was when I met my husband.  I was cute then, still over-weight, but I had a flat tummy, and I was cute.  Two babies later..... Ba-DONG.... I'm thinking I might have to start to powder some creases!

Ewwwwwwwwwwww ...... seriously .......

I hate not being able to fit in my clothes, I don't even want to TRY to get dressed.

So I don't.......

But I have to make a change so - now is the time!  NOW... RIGHT NOW..........

So, my starting weight was 266 at my DR appt in December...
Now my weight is 256.7 yesterday at my Weigh-In Wednesday ...
My waist was 57 1/3

I didn't do any other measurements because my husband walked in, and I found it quite embarrassing.

So.......  I have not started my exercising,  but I will.  I have cut back on my soda intake DRAMATICALLY ...   I've been trying to pay great attention to what I'm eating.  Today, I had half a bagel with cream cheese, and 2 Ranch Pringle Chips... my babies were eating them, they just sort of pop'd in my mouth!  I'm not lying about it though.  I then had Egg Salad Sandwiches, and Salad ...

We made sandwiches with that.... it was good!

I have had 1 glass of OJ and the rest water.  Tonight we are having chicken fingers and fries.  It's not the best most healthiest meals right now, but they have to do.  I hate that it's more expensive to eat healthy then it is to eat bad.

So, Goals.......

My first mini goal is to get down to 250.  When I do, I'm going to award myself with ...  hummm... have to think about that!